Little by Little

It’s dark there and I’m scared

It sends shiver down my spines
Thinking about what lies within the darkness

An abyss
Of left over alcohol and ashes
Painful memories lurking somewhere
Waiting to pull you into the gulf between reality

It hurts to think about it
It sucks to feel for it
It stings to know about it

It kills..
Little by little.

 

 

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We Think Things Important

Just a few more thoughts before we head into Christmas and end the year shortly afterwards. 

It’s true: we think material things are important. Some of us make it our main pursuit in life to make as much money as we possibly can so that we can afford the best cars and the finest foods. No doubt, the importance of money cannot be more strongly iterated and it is right to think that having things that we like is important. 

To have a decent car, a lovely house and to indulge in some of the things we like is central to our survival and wellness. We gain financial freedom and ease any frustrations or worry when we have more than enough to get through our daily life; in fact we gain and spread happiness by buying the things we want and sharing what we have with others. One who discounts the significance of money certainly must not have thought things through. 

There however comes a point where life is considerably comfortable and basic necessities are met. Anything that comes after that counts as luxury and in some ways, probably excess that we have for rainy days or to give to others. That is the point where we start to place less importance on money making and material possessions, and start shifting our focus elsewhere. 

I’ll use some examples to illustrate some thoughts. Say we have a Jaguar, a prime example of an English luxury car. It gets us around in good comfort, and we probably feel satisfied owning one. We may have spent years of our lives slogging to gain ownership of it, to work for the bucks to eventually buy the car and drive it home. 

On the other hand, we have people around us and moments to live through. To earn the amount tagged to the ownership of the car, we neglect our families, friends and we forget to live and cherish the key moments in our lives. People step out of our lives without us knowing, peaks and glorious sceneries are passed without even a cursory glance.. How does that come up against that luxury piece of machinery we previously placed so much importance on? 

An Aston Martin can be built and bought again. Your friend might not be there anymore when you decide to call him after an absent window of years. A penthouse can be raised and purchased again. The missed laughters heard in the hall of years gone by may not be audible again even if you strain to hear them. Material affairs can be reconstructed and made again, but try to recreate a moment in time or to bring someone back to life.. Not possible. 

What are the important things in life again? 

Drive that Mercedes.. Take your family out for a meal, drive out to the sea with your best friend, and remember to always be grateful for who we are and what we have in life. 

Resolution..?

I don’t remember having a New Year Resolution list for 2015, and checking back on my year diary and blog does prove that. I know that for many past years I’ve had resolution lists but I distinctly remember ending last year without any thoughts or preparation for the next one, and I never got round to making a list in January because too many things were happening and I probably was happy enough not to make plans for the year back then.

There’s nothing now for me to check on my progress for the year, so I’ll have to use my current mindset and state of emotions to gauge if I’ve gotten things right (or wrong, possibly). Hope my memory has enough of 2015 for me to do up a wrap up of the past twelve months. Ha ha. Here goes.

I think the past dozen months have been filled with plenty of lessons for me; I don’t think I’ve learnt as much in any single one of my past years as this one. Certain flaws of mine were made very clear to me, it swung at me in certain months of the year and yes.. it did hit me in the face pretty hard a couple of times. Many shortfalls were made known to me by incidents and upon personal reflection, and they did leave me pondering how I can work on these weak links and shape myself up. I’m still thinking about many of these points, and I hope to improve on them soon.

In very much a similar fashion, some perennial principles and truths about life were also slightly sighted on some of the fair-weather and stormy days. I developed the idea that some ways of the universe will always remain true and unchanging, even if the people, situation or times change. They are what anchors the course of things and life itself.

I started the year very strong, in the sense that I was very happy and had many things to look forward to. I was doing an internship with one of the ministries, I had results to look forward to, as well as scholarships and university placings to apply for. My friends were nice circles in my life, my parents were agreeable with most of the things I was doing, and I had a rough direction as to how I want things to be.

I think I’m ending the year pretty decent as well, in the way that I have realised and am beginning to understand certain things, and there are even more things to look forward to as I close the year and look at the next one ahead. I am starting to know why we should pursue our dreams, and what are some of the important things in life that we should strive to achieve and hold on to. Certain friendships and newfound ones require more attention (and gladly so), and there are many more people out there that I am looking forward to meet and befriend. I’m not sure if I’m doing things right, but I shall find out in time.

2015 sure seems like a good rough year that paves the way for glorious times ahead, don’t you think? As for 2016.. We shall see if there’s a need for a resolution.

 

 

Merry Christmas

(A short one before bed sounds like a good idea?)

It’s the night of Boxing Day and for many of us
The party is quieting down and the guests are leaving:
Making their sleepy way home after a fun Christmas Eve and Day
While we put the wine glasses away and remove the stained table cloth;

The merry-making will go on for the Christmastide through to the New Year
To cap off a year of ups and downs and highs and lows
A year that is very much like many others before for many of us now
Yet perhaps for some of us it has been a different year – maybe one that is special;

The year has come to a close:
What has come to pass has passed before our eyes in the days gone
While what is to come lies ahead before us in the days that are to come
Almost like a window of transition between the past and future – yesterday and tomorrow;

A good time to think of what has been done in the year behind,
A good time too to think of what is to be done in the year ahead;

While all that thinking is in progress:
Do remember to pour yourself a glass of wine and have yourself some fruit cake
To keep in mind that it is still the joyous season of Christmas
Where the cheers will continue and the spirit of gratitude and merriment will go on;

Merry Christmas.

Story of Remembrance

Tonight I take a little walk
Down memory lane with my soles
To little hideouts hardly explored and alleys
Hardly ever visited even though just around the corner;

I take them down to the age old dinosaur park
Which Rosa calls by it’s official name Fu Shan Garden
But to us kids who grew up around that area we know
That the dinosaurs in the garden come alive when the adults look away;

I see people sitting on benches sharing a drink
Exchanging little secrets in the shade and just talking
About the day and of days that are to come
Smiling as they wind down in the cool evening breeze;

With every step I take I feel them wearing down:
My soles are getting worn out and jaded by
The countless hours of walking and running
That they appear almost to be losing their grip and bearing;

I take a little slip and lose my balance for a moment:
Not enough to fall but just enough for me to realize
That it is about time that I stop relying on these old soles of mine
And take a step forward to move on to other things out there;

The soles and soul need a renewal every now and then
But it doesn’t mean we forget the things we had
Which brought us so far and gave us so much
To see us to where we stand proudly today;

This is the story of remembrance.

Make A Difference

(Just 5 minutes before bed)

There are days when you can’t help but just
Sit there and wonder what you’ve been doing
With your life thus far and you begin to ponder over
What is to come in the months or years ahead;

They say that life is a series of continuous change
And you look back at your life and you think to yourself,
‘I can’t believe that was so many years ago’
Reflecting on the things you did and the things you dreamt of;

Perhaps it would be good to stop once in awhile
And just ask yourself if you could have one wish – any wish,
What you would wish for just so that you know
If you’re actually working towards what you really want

Or if you’re just living life – or shall I say trying to live life
In a manner that someone else told you to
Or in a way that is safe and certain that you are almost
Afraid to pursue your dreams and hopes conceived in youth;

Take a moment – just a quick short moment would suffice,
And think about what you really want out of life
So that you can make changes to things now
To reach a little closer to the star that you long to embrace;

There’s no place better than here
There’s no time better than now
So let us let every moment in life
And every instant in time

Make a difference.

It’s Probably Easier

(I have nothing to do on the train so.. here goes; happens when one is reluctant to reach for the book to read in the bag)

There will come many times and moments in life,
Where you’ll look back at the years gone by,
And wonder to yourself what you have done all those years,
How you’ve gotten some things right and others wrong;

These instances in life are indeed very potent,
Because in looking back you are likely to have
Two general emotions: Satisfaction or regret,
It really can only be one or the other that will dominate;

Now tell me:
That you’ve just paused and given a thought,
And felt both surges of emotions flood your sense,
So frankly which feeling is stronger now?

Of course it occurs differently for different areas in life,
Depending where and what in life you are now,
For what lies ahead might overpower what is in the past,
But come on don’t tell me you’ve gotten your thoughts in a knot now?

They all say that train journeys are the best time to think,
But maybe I’d rather take out a book and read:

It’s probably easier.

 

(with input from an imagined conversation with the person beside me reading a book)